I held her all day

As a pastor, somewhere between God and ministry there is family. Whether you agree or disagree I was raised in a culture where God comes first, family second and ministry third. Sometimes those lines can get blurred as God and ministry can quickly become the same in one. When this happens family usually ends up taking third place.

Wednesday morning September 24th would not be one of those mornings. Arriving back late the night before from a meeting with ARC (www.relatedchurches.com) I had not seen my daughters for four days and I so badly wanted to wake them up. I decided to wait until morning; unfortunately my oldest daughter Cara (6) would beat me to it.

At 5:45am my bedroom door flew open and all I could hear were faint gasps for air and a quite cry for help “I can’t breath, I can’t breath” was all I could make out in her cry. Tears streaming down her tiny cheeks my wife quickly grabbed her and I did all that I knew to do. I started praying and quickly ran to the bathroom and turned on the hot water and filled the room with steam. I then took her and held her in my arms. Calming her with soft prayers in her ears while rocking her back and forth we debated on whether or not we should run to the ER. God gave us the answer as HE began to clear her airway and settle her spirit.

At this moment nothing else mattered to me. Ministry did not matter, starting a church did not matter, how were going to pay for the medical bills did not matter – nothing mattered except for my beautiful daughter.

With her tears now subsiding I hid mine as best I could to stay strong for my family. Adrenaline now running high, instinct took over and once again I did what I knew to do, I held her all morning. I pulled out the sofa sleeper, grabbed her new bathrobe, turned on the humidifier and put on her favorite movie – “Ariel’s Beginning”. For the rest of the morning she laid in my lap as we watched the movie. At that moment all I wanted to do was hold her all morning.

Where do we get these instincts, the instinct to hold our children when they are hurting, and the instinct to want to be held when we are hurting? Could it be that God has instilled this instinct inside of us? Could it be that when life or even bad decisions we make knocks the wind out of us and we can’t breath that we just need God to hold us all morning? Could it be that God cares more about you then the corporate church and all that it is accomplishing? Could it be in those moments that you have questions with no answers that you are the only thing that matters to God?

Maybe what you need this morning is not another ministry you can do for God or a program you can run for your local church. Maybe what you need today is for God to hold you just as I held her all morning.

Dream Big
Ben